Sherlock's crushes
by Valkyrie Of The Dead
Summary: Sherlock had a crush on eleven people after each other during his life. But how can that be when he's always the cold, logical man? And what will John say?


Sherlock Holmes's first crush was when he was three. He was very intelligent then already, and his parents were very posh, so it was never even considered to put him into a day-care or similar. Instead, his parents employed a girl from the little town where they were living. She was called Jennie, she was nineteen years old and to Sherlock the most beautiful girl in the world. But when he told her, she smiled, kissed his nose and told him to wait a few years before developing crushes. When Sherlock was five, she left to uni, and he didn't see her again.

Sherlock Holmes second crush was when he was seven. A special girl was in his new class, Sophie, and with her pretty smile, her witty comebacks and her energy she quickly won his heart. But when he told her, she giggled and ran to her friends, who were giggling just as her. They left it at that.

Sherlock Holmes third crush was when he was twelve. Jasmine was a small, intelligent, slightly geeky girl in year seven, just as he was, as was, even though liked and respected, not in _the gang_. But when he told her, she had wrinkled her nose, just like all his other classmates and walked away.

Sherlock Holmes fourth crush and first crush on a boy was when he was fourteen. He was hated by every one of the kids his age by then, and the smaller kids were boring, just the older ones were. And because of that, he built a protective wall between him and the world. He became colder. Darker. And so the boy of his dreams reacted just as everybody did – he sneered and called him gay. And faggot.

Sherlock Holmes fifth crush was when he was seventeen. He had left school early and with top marks, but had broken off uni. Dull, boring, idiotic people. So he started drugs to get away from it. From his mind, which tormented him every second, with the steady inflow of information which made him see everything, even brutal truths he didn't want to know. His mind, which had given him so many enemies. From the people. And from Mycroft.  
Loara was a pretty prostitute. He didn't exactly remember Jennie from when he was three, but she did look like her and somehow that made him fall. It wasn't actually romantic from her side, for her it was her job. But then Mycroft came and forced him into rehab and her to somewhere else, and he never saw her again.

Sherlock Holmes sixth crush was when he was twenty-three. He was on drugs again, Mycroft didn't know yet, and he loved the way that Jeff could make his mind even whiter than his drug-cocktail. It was, for him a beautiful time, hiding with Jeff from Mycroft, living with him, loving him, having sex with him, taking drugs with him. Until, when he was twenty-six, Jeff overdosed. Sherlock and Jeff rushed to a hospital, where Mycroft found him, after three years of only barely knowing his brother was alive, at the side of a dead junkie. Rehab was once again forced unto Sherlock, who never knew that he had just been a good way of escaping the authorities.

Sherlock Holmes seventh crush was when he was twenty-seven. He was sober, and the pretty assistant of Mycroft caught his eye. But when he confronted her and told her, she slapped him and resigned instantly.

Sherlock Holmes eighth crush was when he was twenty-nine. It only lasted for a moment, as soon as he asked the woman out, she turned and told him with a resolute "No!" that his advances were not appreciated.

Sherlock Holmes ninth crush was when he was thirty. The man his heart was beating for now was older than him, way older, and was not at all interested in a relationship with a man twenty years younger than him, even though the younger man was brilliant. And so, Sherlock ended up as a junkie again.

Sherlock Holmes tenth crush was when he was nearly thirty-two. Gregory Lestrade wasn't somebody he had expected to fall for, considering the other man's profession, but somehow Mycroft, the ever prodding Mycroft had caught Lestrade's heart before Sherlock could really make advances and his hints and questions were politely, but confidently forbidden by the police officer. They had never talked about it again.

Sherlock Holmes eleventh crush was when he was just thirty-seven. The man he met in Barts was caring, considerate, kind, warm, believed in him, trusted him – and was straight. Very much straight, as Doctor John Watson, formerly Fifth Northumberland Fusiliers, didn't fail to repeat every time somebody said otherwise. By then Sherlock had convinced himself that he wasn't able to find somebody who would love him back in the way he wanted, and had decided that caring wasn't an advantage.

The two men are standing opposite each other, facing each other in the small room. The door behind the shorter one is locked, both know it, and also the lock has been melted, so they can't escape. They are barely a meter away from each other, staring at each other, desperate for more time. For the time the bomb in the corner is stealing them, the bomb neither of them can destroy because their hands are cuffed behind their backs.  
Beneath the curls of the younger, taller man, a storm is raging. Moriarty had not only beaten them, he was also watching them now, watching them wait for the execution. The trap had been simple and elaborate at the same time, something Sherlock only realised know when it was too late.  
But more importantly, he is thinking about the man in front of him. The man who is, despite being clearly terrified, not only about the almost definite death, but also because of what will happen when they don't die, trying to look brave for Sherlock. It doesn't work, the tear-tracks on his cheeks are clearly visible, but Sherlock likes that John is trying to protect him. As the bomb counts down, _15._, the battle in his head is raging. Tell him or not? _14. _It doesn't change anything. _13._ But what if it does? _12._ He doesn't want to destroy their friendship. _11._ Especially not so shortly before their deaths. 10_._ But then, John had always been there for him. 9_. _Yes, but wasn't that just friendship?_ 8._ It somehow seems important. _7._ John would have told him about something like that. _6._ If it were him who was in love. _5. _In love. It's not a crush any more, and Sherlock knows it. _4._ Oh, he wants to tell John. _3._But what if they survive? _2._ Moriarty would know and torture them with it. _1._ He already knows.

"I love you, John." He barely sees his flatmate's surprised and astonished face, when everything around them becomes red and gold and hot and black.


End file.
